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Date: 25/01/08

All In An Afternoon

Got home. Letter from gas company. "Notice Of Disconnection"?! Unpaid bill. Never received bloody bill. Haven't received bloody bill from them since mid-October. Phoned gas company to complain. Waiting about five minutes listening to the gas company advertising how wonderful it is. Get through to human being. Notice Notice has different Customer Number on it to all my previous bills. Girl at other end says old account closed - can't readily tell reason. Girl puts me through to colleague in Billing Department. Much checking of addresses, postcodes and meter serial numbers. Colleague in Billing Department says he'll speak to his manager. Manager now not in until Monday. Colleague in Billing Department says he'll phone me back on Monday.

Walk to doctor's to get result of ultrasound scan on kidneys and bladder intended to find out why my legs have swollen up. Get to doctor's. Stick head around door. Surgery absolutely packed. Standing room only. Bollocks to that. Came home. Will try again Monday.

Put tea on. Boil-in-the-bag sliced beef in gravy. Bring pan of water to boil. Turn heat down. Put bag in water. Go back into living room. Five minutes later, go back into kitchen. Bag has a hole in. Saucepan now full of unappetising pale brown liquid. Wait until cooking time up. Pour brown liquid into sink. Bag which still contains the meat falls into the sink. Sod! Fish it out and eat it anyway.

I'm willing to part with this afternoon for a reasonable sum. Used notes only, please.