This Is Not A
BLOG!
Date: 09/04/05
Riding A Hitch
I suppose I have to mention The Wedding.
My feelings on the subject of monarchy and all that twaddle should
be well enough known to my reader by now, but I did manage to suppress
my nausea for long enough to enable me to make some comments:
- The whole thing seemed to sum up the longed-for decline of the
English monarchy in that it was understated to the point of being
almost shame-faced
- It was deeply amusing to see all those aristos and their
upper-middle-class hangers-on and arse-peckers turning up in a fleet of
buses. I bet hardly any of these haw-haws had ever been on one before,
and were no doubt baffled by the obvious lack of a built-in drinks
cabinet
- The estimate of crowd size seemed to suffer from the usual
uncertainty. First it was
15 000, then 20 000. I can only assume they had the Police counting it.
You see, the Police in this country operate a variable exchange rate on
the subject of crowd numbers, depending on the reason for the crowd
being there. Thus, the numbers of people demonstrating against the
government of the day in progressive causes are always understated, at
an exchange rate of about 2 Real to the Plod. So a
demonstration against illegal war in which 1 500 000 people took part
will be stated to have comprised only 750 000 people.
Conversely, a demonstration in favour of mammal-mangling by country
landowners and their tame serfs which contained about 700 000 will be
stated to have been attended by 700 000 people.
It follows, therefore, that on occasions where a large crowd would
please our rulers, the exchange rate varies yet again, to anything
between 2 and 100 Plod to the Real. So, "a crowd of 20
000" in this context means somewhere between 5 000 and Arthur and Freda
Popplewell from Castle View and their equally elderly Yorkshire terrier
- I caught a brief glimpse of the 'blessing' (with the sound off,
of course). Blair was there, of course, wearing his 'I'm really
sincere and serious, me' face. But can someone tell me why that
wretched Parker-Knoll woman seemed to have had a head-on collision with
a porcupine?
And another thing: if the Church Of State's rules meant that they
couldn't actually marry in a church, how come they could have
what was, in the church's eyes, an unofficial marriage blessed
in a chapel?
But then again, as my compatriot Jan Morris has pointed out, god is
only invited to these things in his capacity as landlord, and as that
particular sect seems to worship crowns of gold rather than a crown of
thorns, perhaps we shouldn't be too surprised to see 'special
arrangements' being made
One final thought: it has been immensely gratifying over the last
few weeks to see letters-page correspondents railing against the fact
that Camilla will be 'their' queen some day, and that they won't stand
for it. Tough luck, tiara-lovers! Monarchism means never having a
say...sorry!
