...or, "Read This And Hear Your Arteries Clanging Shut"
Given that one of the few things that isn't wrong with me ("I'm not a hypochondriac! That's the one thing I haven't got!" © Andrew Marshall & David Renwick) is my cholesterol level, I can sometimes - as I mentioned here - indulge in what I call a 'Cholesterol Special' for Friday tea.
I had one this afternoon, so I thought that I'd describe the process. Firstly - as we were instructed to do in secondary school Physics by the loathsome Doc Powell - the Apparatus and the Ingredients:
- Cooker (hobs (x2), grill and oven)
- Frying pan
- Slice (or whatever they're called: you know, the instrument you use for turning things over when you're frying)
- Kitchen paper
- Chips (amount according to taste/greed)
- Bacon rashers (x2)
- Beans, 1 tin, small
- Bread, 1 slice
- Egg, 1
- Cooking oil (enough to cover the bottom of the frying pan)
- Brown sauce
The temporal juggling needed to do this right is almost exquisite, and so the Method needs to be described in detail. Hence:
(Note: All timings are approximate)
- Tea minus 18 minutes: put the chips in the oven at Gas Mark 7, and the bacon under the grill under a low-to-medium light
- Tea minus 9 minutes: turn the tray with the chips on around to ensure even cooking. Turn the bacon over for the same reason
- Tea minus 8 minutes: Empty the tin of beans into the saucepan and put it on a low light
- Tea minus 5 minutes: Put the oil in the frying pan and turn the heat on full.
- Tea minus 4 minutes: Put the slice of bread in the frying pan and turn the heat down a bit. Take the bacon off the grill and put it (the bacon, not the grill; that would be silly) to drain on kitchen paper on the plate
- Tea minus 3 minutes: Turn over the bread. Note that you may need to press the bread down with the slice-thingy to get an even result
- Tea minus 2 minutes: Remove the bread (it's important to have it well done but not carbonised) and put on the kitchen paper to absorb the oil. Crack the egg into the now-vacant frying pan (without breaking the yolk, which I can manage about one time in twenty-five) and stand well back. Stir the beans
- Tea minus 1 minute: Turn the egg over (at which point, if you haven't broken the yolk already, you will now) and retire to a safe distance once more. Stir the beans again
- Tea: Turn off oven. Remove egg from frying pan and place on the kitchen paper (at which point, if you still haven't broken the yolk, you will do). Remove the kitchen paper from the plate, get the chips out of the oven and place over the bacon, bread and egg. Pour the beans over the chips, and cover with brown sauce to taste.
And here's the result!
Now you too can sit all evening burping gently! Another quality service provided by JudgeCo™, the people who put people first!
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